A Hunger for Butterflies
by year of the fox
Summary: It's been years since Tohru and the Sohmas have seen each other, and nothing has been the same. Never feeling right anywhere else, she chooses to return home in search of the fluttering feelings from before. But she has to do it on faith that she will find the Sohmas there, and if they are, that things can go back to how they were before.
1. Torn

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket.**

* * *

"I guess this is it," Yuki said. His bags were packed. His car was waiting. It was just the two of them now in the bitter silence.

"Yeah, good luck, Yuki! Oh, not that you'll need it. You'll do great, I know you will," Tohru chimed, finding it in her to give him another smile. But he could tell it was strained.

But her smiled still caused Yuki to smile in return, though now half-heartedly as the sorrow of the situation weighed on it. "I wish the same for you, Miss Honda," he replied, just as any perfect gentleman would. The two looked at each other another moment. They said nothing, but no words were needed between them.

Then finally, Yuki stepped forward, tilting his head down. He was so close that Tohru felt his warm breath as it settled in her hair. Then, gently, Yuki left a lasting kiss on her forehead. This made Tohru feel better. When he just stood on the other side of the entryway, he had already felt too far away.

Yuki hovered, his eyes closed. "I will miss you dearly," he finally breathed before he stepped back, taking his last suitcase and forcing himself out the door.

Tohru clutched her fist to her chest as she watched him. That was when Shigure showed up, upbeat as usual despite the situation.

"Bye, Yuki!" he hollered, smiling. He held tea in one hand and used his whole spare arm to wave goodbye. "Don't get in too much trouble now!" he taunted just before Yuki closed himself in the car.

Tohru couldn't bring herself to wave. This was harder than any time before. This time he was really gone.

Shigure turned to look at the girl, her state obvious but he pretended to overlook it. "It's all so exciting, isn't it?" he remarked. He gave her a second just in case she was going to respond, but she still stared after Yuki, so Shigure returned to his study.

After a moment, she heard Kyo's voice from behind her. "You know it won't be long until you're traipsing out the door just like that," he reminded her, his tone making this all seem like no big deal. Even though he knew within a week, after she left too, he would be just as she was now. Maybe he would even be worse. But he wasn't about to let that show as he stood there, arms crossed and leaning in the doorway.

"Oh, Kyo, I didn't know you were there," she uttered, finally turning. She was trying to play it off as casually as she could, but Kyo knew better.

He finally acknowledged it, taking a shot at making her feel better. "You know there's nothing really to miss about that damn rat. You'll finally see that now that the bastard's gone." Quiet. Her eyes downcast. It hadn't worked. Kyo sighed. "Come on, we'll go to the roof," he grumbled, turning to lead her away.

He couldn't stand to see her like this and wanted her to feel better. But he also wanted as much time with her as he could, it now starting to set in that she would really be gone soon, and he wouldn't know what to do.

* * *

~Four Years Later~

* * *

_Tohru*_

"So, my god, this is it," my roommate voiced, shaking her head as she began haphazardly tossing her books in a box. Airi was a sweet girl, and she had befriended me in college, what with all the Sohmas somewhere else. But when I had agreed to room with her our senior year, well, I didn't know how disorganized she'd be.

With her books packed, she moved on to her clothes. She had managed to keep most of them off the floor in consideration of me. However, they did seem to be everywhere else, and she now went about hunting each item down, shoving them all, clean or dirty, into a bag.

"...Do you need any help?" I asked, a little horrified by her packing strategy.

"No, don't worry. I got this," she replied as she dropped down to lay her belly on the floor. I was glad I had just cleaned it, the floor, that is.

I tilted my head and forced a smile "Ok..."

"You know, Tohru, I'm going to miss having you as a roommate. You really kept this place spick and span," she declared from down on the floor, hunting for more clothes under her bed. "So what's next for you? Do you know?"

"Um, no," I admitted, looking aside and bringing a finger to my cheek as she pushed herself up from the tile floor. "I'm really not sure what I'm going to do next. Try to find a good job and somewhere to live, I guess. How about you?"

"I'll be moving back in with my parents for now as I try to figure things out."

I glanced at the time and realized I was supposed to meet someone. "Hey, Airi, I'm going to go meet Botan for dinner. Do you want to come?"

She didn't look over at me as she pushed harder to try to shove more clothes into the bag. "Nah, I'll go later. I should work on this while I'm in the mood."

"Well, ok," I uttered, starting on my way out the door.

The dining hall wasn't far from my dormitory. I took a moment to look again at the big glass building as I approached it. It looked a lot grander than the food it served. I mean, don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad. I had just gotten so used to eating whatever I had cooked for the Sohmas before. There had been plenty of times here where I would have liked to have a kitchen at hand, but having warm food ready for me every day was nice. And I was grateful. I was grateful to just be here in the first place.

I remember how Shigure had insisted, along with other Sohmas, that I go to school if that was what I wanted to do. I had, of course, declined. I had declined over and over again. I couldn't possibly accept such an offer! But Shigure kept asking. It wasn't until I talked with Hana about it that I decided to do it.

Her dreary eyes had looked off listlessly and she drew out each word as she spoke. _"Your mother worked so hard. She would be so proud of you, Tohru, no matter what you choose. But you do have this opportunity, and it will affect the rest of your life. Your mother worked so hard to give you the life she did. I don't think she would want you to struggle like that. And from what I understand, this is their money, and this is what they want to spend it on. Honestly, I couldn't have thought of anything worthier to spend it on myself."_

So here I was. It had been hard, really hard, especially without Yuki to help me. I had missed the Sohmas so much and thought of them often. I kept in touch with Shigure, and I had heard from Yuki and Momiji from time to time. Yuki a lot in the beginning, then less as the years passed. Kisa would contact me irregularly, but I still heard from her plenty. Haru even contacted me once, but that was it. Kyo had gone to train, saying that was all he cared to study, that beating Yuki was the only thing he needed to accomplish, that he couldn't even think of doing anything else until he beat Yuki. Though I missed the Sohmas, I had made new friends here. With their help, I had pulled through to earn a hospitality degree.

"Hey, Tohru!" I recognized the voice. I turned to see Botan catching up with me. He was tall with brown hair like mine and kind hazel eyes. His walk was more of a strut as he walked beside me up to the doors. Botan was always well-dressed, and his blue blazer now opened a bit with the wind.

As a person, he was nice and understanding, and we had spent most of our time among mutual friends. Only recently had we spent more time alone, studying and going to dinner. It was too bad, because now that we had become better friends it was all about to end.

"Are you hungry?" Botan asked, twisting to look down at me as he pulled the glass door open and stood back.

"Oh, thank you," I said, a little humbled as usual as I passed through the entrance. "And um, yeah, I am."

It seemed liked an odd question to ask now that I had already agreed to dinner. But I pushed the thought aside and thought nothing more of it as I looked to see what the hall was offering today.

"I'll meet you at our table," Botan mentioned as he slipped past me to find a meal.

"Right!" I chirped as he passed.

The college really wasn't that big, and each group had found its own area in the cafeteria. Our table was by one of the big glass windows of the building. Today it was just the two of us, with our other friends, like Airi, busy or not really hungry. He was already there munching when I slid into the hard, plastic seat across from him.

"So I have news. I took that job offer in Tokyo," he said, jumping right into conversation. He probably couldn't hold it back anymore.

I was ecstatic and lept from the my seat to go around and hug him. "That's wonderful, Botan! I'm so excited for you. Congratulations!" I exclaimed. He wrapped his arms around me in return from where he sat, and I smiled as I briefly rested my cheek on his soft hair. But I didn't linger, and slipped away to return to my seat.

"I see you chose from the 'home-cooked' section again," he mentioned, eyeing my food. Botan rested against the table once I sat down, leaning towards me.

"Yeah," I confessed as I tucked the paper napkin on my lap, "I cook it at home a little differently, but it's still good here. Still, I wouldn't mind having a kitchen again."

"That's right, you cook," replied Botan, smiling. He still smiled as he watched me, and he watched me for a long time. It seemed to me that he was thinking about something, so I didn't bother him and just ate. But after a minute, he couldn't seem to help it, and professed, "You're so cute."

I didn't really know what to say, so I just smiled at him before taking a sip of water. But as I set my cup down, Botan reached out to take my hand in both of his, pulling it towards him. I froze.

"Tohru," he began, then took a breath. He was different tonight, and I didn't know why. "Tohru, I've wanted to tell you this for a while now, but I wanted the right moment. It never came, and I don't want this year to end without telling you that... I've fallen for you."

I was stunned. "Fallen for me?" I echoed.

"I've fallen in love with you, Tohru," he clarified. "If you would, I would love it if you came to Tokyo with me."

I felt my eyes get real big. My heart quickened, but it was panicked. I didn't know what to say. This feeling I had. It was different. It was bad. I didn't know what to say. How could someone love me and I not love them back! Oh, I was a terrible person.

Botan was nice, and I enjoyed having him as a close friend, but my relationship with him felt different from my friendships before. I felt nothing more than friend feelings for him, and had never expected or thought of this.

Botan clutching my hand now just made me feel uncomfortable. It felt nothing like when Yuki used to softly look into my eyes and brush a lock of hair away from my face. Nothing like when Kyo would tell me I had a dumb look on my face, but would muster up the courage to add that he found it cute. This was different, and now that I was here, at the end, with a close friend professing his love for me, I couldn't have missed the Sohmas more.

I closed my eyes, trying to get my head together. And I saw Yuki's face, soft like before, here to comfort me. Lost in that moment again, I squeezed the hand that held mine, only to open my eyes again to see the hazel eyes, not violet, staring at me intently, but I could see the worry in them as he started to realized I did not return his feelings.

"That's very sweet, Botan." I gently pulled my hand away. It was terrible, but I couldn't think of what else to say. I looked down quickly so I didn't have to see the hurt I had so shamefully caused. "Um, I really have to hit the books. I'll see you later," I tried to say as casually and warmly as I could, but knew I would not be able to make this situation better. I felt terrible, but I didn't know what to do.

Slowly, I grabbed my tray and slid back out from my seat, leaving Botan behind me. But then I had an idea, or really in that moment a decision that I was overwhelmingly sure about, and turned back around to look at him. "I'm sorry, Botan, but I have plans to go back home. We'd just be too far apart. But I wish you the best, and I'll see you later, ok?"

I shouldn't have felt that good in that moment as I left him there, but everything seemed to feel right now that I knew that I would be returning to the home I had been missing this whole time.

_*I think "Name's POV" is very aesthetically unappealing. For this fic, centered, italicized names indicate POV_

**How was that? Any interest in seeing it continued, let me know. Or any other feedback you would like to give, go for it! I do love feedback.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Deeper

**There was some interest in seeing more, so here is a little bit! Let me know if it's still working for you, it's been a while since I wrote a chapter that was this short.**

* * *

_Kyo_

I ran furiously, breathing harder and jumping like I was soaring as I rushed through the forest. I couldn't stand to be in my master's house anymore. Not that it was bad or I didn't like it, I had just been there for so long. But during that time I was never fully satisfied. Over time this fueled my frustration into a roaring desire.

I leapt from a high boulder just to feel the thump of my body hitting the ground. Wearing only pants, I felt the air trickle over my skin as I ran. I felt the twigs break and stones scratch the bottoms of my feet, but my souls had become calloused to protect me from feeling anything.

There was something about the danger of running so fast through uncharted land, where no one knew where I was. But the real thrill was how I overcame every threat, every bit of uneven ground or root that meant to trip me, every hill that challenged me to slip on the fallen leaves or pull me down to slam into a thick, solid tree. Here, I won against everything that tried to hinder or injure me.

It wasn't until I splashed through a stream that I stopped to catch my breath, leaning forward to grip my knees.

As my huffing became more bearable, I turned to step up to the pool before the waterfall, dropping to my knees. The trees allowed some sunlight to fall on this patch of land, and I saw it shimmer behind me as I watched myself catch my breath in the reflective pool.

The subtle sun and steady stream allowed for a bit more green around the water, unlike the dirty forest floor. Among the moss that now cushioned my knees, a few, blue flowers thrived in the sunlight. They were small and it had taken me a moment to notice them. _I bet Tohru would have liked these_, I tortured myself.

I knew it was her absence that had haunted me all this time. But what could I do? Nothing, that's what. I had to let her go, for her sake and mine.

I shook it off by splashing some of the cool water on my face. My hands covered my eyes, and my eyes stayed closed as my hands dropped carelessly to the ground. I was trying to find peace in my solitude, I always was, and had now forced myself into seclusion deep in these woods.

That's why I jumped back about three feet when I looked up to see I was not alone. "Jesus Christ!" I shouted. But that only lasted a second as I realized it was an animal standing before me on the other side of the stream. It was waiting patiently as it wagged its tail, holding a letter in his mouth. Shigure had sent a dog to me.

"What the hell," I complained as I reached forward, taking the letter from the thing. I tried to avoid the slobber as I opened it.

_Dear Kyo,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. Please forgive  
__any drool, you're a hard fellow to get in touch  
__with. I just wanted to write and tell you that  
__I spoke with Tohru. She's coming back to stay  
__with me. I was a bit surprised, but she claims  
__it's where she wants to be. Anyway, I thought  
__you might want to know._

_Regards,_

_Shigure_

_p.s. If you do choose to visit us, try to  
__leave your attitude in the mountains,  
__won't you?_

I stared at the letter.

"She's coming... back..." I said aloud, mesmerized. I dropped back with the letter in my hands. Tohru was choosing to return home. Back to a life that I could be a part of.

I thought about what to do, if I really wanted to leave here and go back. But ever since I met her, staying here had never felt the same. It had never felt right again.

I crumpled the letter, and threw it over my shoulder, leaning forward to rest on my knees. I was trying to think, but I couldn't with that damn dog staring at me. "What do you want? Go on, get," I grumbled. The dog barked once then turned and ran.

My crossed arms balanced on my knees and I brought my head to rest on them. I turned my head and was faced with those flowers again. As I looked at them, I reached out a hand to pluck one and bring it closer to look at.

All I could feel was frustration, and I tossed the flower into the stream. I watched it slowly drift along, already knowing that deep down the decision was already made. I was going back.

**Still want to see more? Let me know!**


	3. Home

Shigure leaned in the doorway, soaking up the mid-morning sun as he waited. It had been quiet over these past four years, peaceful in some ways but lonely in others. That was just one reason Shigure was excited to see Tohru again.

It wasn't long until he heard the grumble of an engine and saw the vehicle carefully creeping down his driveway. He waited patiently until it came to a stop and an old friend climbed out with the girl.

Tohru turned to face the driver as she closed the door. "Thank you so much for driving me, Hatori."

"It was no trouble," he said indifferently. He never looked at her but went straight to open the trunk to extract her belongings.

Hatori had actually offered to go get the girl himself when he heard she was coming home, and had even smiled to himself when he first spotted her waiting on the steps of her dorm. They had exchanged a few words in the car, but aside from that the trip had been silent due to Hatori's nature.

It was then that Tohru turned to see Shigure, and as soon as she did he smiled big. He left his perch to greet her, she in exchange taking a few steps forward to meet him. Once he reached her, Shigure took Tohru's head between his hands. She looked up at him, placing her hands on his arms. This was the closest they could get to a hug and avoid Shigure transforming.

"Oh Tohru, I have missed you," Shigure confessed, a little more serious than usual.

"Thank you for allowing me to come back," Tohru said gratefully, "but if it's any trouble please let me know. I don't mean to impose and can find a place of my own-"

Shigure cut her off. "Tohru, stop. I am delighted to have you back, you are no burden at all. You may stay as long as you like." He looked up to address his friend. "Hatori, I believe you remember where Tohru's room is. I trust you'll manage to get her things up there, yes?"

Hatori pulled the last of her luggage and slammed the trunk closed. Tohru's bags waited patiently on the ground for someone to assist them.

Hatori glared at Shigure. "You are more than capable of carrying these up for her. I have had a long drive and need to get back to the main house." His statement sounded more like a warning.

Shigure then cried, "Oh Tohru, how I've missed you!" and dramatically brought her to him. Once he embraced her, Tohru found herself in the familiar puff of smoke, which cleared to reveal the black dog. "Oh no, how careless of me," Shigure began. "Now I'm afraid I can't carry anything-"

Hatori held out one of her small bags and stepped forward, dropping the strap over the dog's neck. "They will be fine for a couple of minutes until you transform back," he stated before turning away.

"Oh really, it's no trouble," Tohru intervened. "I'll get all of my bags-"

Hatori stopped and used his good eye to glance over his shoulder, waiting.

"Nonsense!" Shigure barked. "Hatori, now do you see what will happen? If you go, Tohru will carry all these heavy bags upstairs on her own before I can turn back to help her. You wouldn't make the girl do that, would you?"

"No, no. It's fine, really-" Tohru began, holding her spread hands up to wave before her.

But after a brief hard glare at the black dog, Hatori turned back and grabbed the two larger bags. "Let's do this quickly, then," he grumbled as he passed. Tohru grabbed the last and smallest bag (aside from the one Shigure wore) and tried to keep up.

The dog ran ahead to lead the way. As his two followers entered the upstairs room, they saw him with his front paws on the sill of the open window. "You better allow some fresh air in, this room hasn't been used in a while," Shigure commented as he looked out the window.

Hatori set down the bags and turned to leave. "Tell me if you need anything. I'll be going now."

"Thank you again," Tohru timidly called after him.

"Goodbye, Hatori! See you soon!" called the dog as he jumped down. There was no response, and Tohru looked back to Shigure, who was shaking the bag off.

"Well I will leave you to unpack. Come downstairs when you're ready," Shigure said before running off.

* * *

Tohru found Shigure dressed and working in his office when she finally came down. Though the walk down was silent, and without Yuki and Kyo, this house was not the same. Still, the nostalgia and familiarity of the place was calming.

"Ah, Tohru, done already?" he acknowledged.

"Yes! I was just thinking of what to cook for dinner..." Tohru began, bringing a finger up to her cheek thoughtfully as her eyes wandered.

"Now Tohru," Shigure answered. "I know you have had a long day. I would not mind ordering out tonight-"

"Oh no no it's no problem!" Tohru cut him off, waving her hands frantically in front of her. "I've missed cooking. Really, it's no trouble. I want to."

Shigure dropped his pen and threw his head back at this, dropping back in his seat. "Sweet Tohru!" he cried, an arm coming to cover his eyes. "I was so hoping you would say that. I haven't had a decent meal since you left."

"Wonderful," she replied, calming down at this. "I'll just go get started now."

As she turned to leave, Shigure lifted his arm slightly to peek at her. "Good luck..." he sang quietly.

This remark was, of course, due to the mess that had accrued since Tohru had left. It was as bad as when she first moved in. She stood dumbstruck for a moment, then sighed to herself, "I should have known." That was all before she began cleaning, feeling quite at home again.


End file.
